Feb 27
Hand trauma, originally uploaded by Surfactant.
“Young male was holding a homemade explosive device. The fuse of the device was lit, and the patient was unable to throw it away before it detonated.”
Powerful image.
Feb 27
Interested in a life of constant arguing, withering stares, and no sex? Just keep using these phrases
SPEAK NO EVIL
Women freak out. Often at you. Often for no discernible reason.
You say something that you consider totally innocuous, or even downright nice, only to find that you’ve offended, enraged, or annoyed us.
Your first problem–being attracted to women, a very weird group of people–is not going to go away. But here’s a problem you can solve: word choice. You need to know the phrases that, once introduced to her volatile atmosphere, will result in explosion (or quiet contempt–no picnic either). Then you need to strike them from your vocabulary.
Warning: Some of these absolute no-no words and phrases seem so incredibly harmless, you may think we’re kidding. We’re not.
Forbidden Phrase #1: “Relax.”
It might seem logical to you to tell a woman who’s freaking out to relax. And if “logical” meant the same thing as “stupidest idea ever,” you’d be correct. Understand, a woman screaming and carrying on in anger or frustration or panic thinks that her response is 100 percent appropriate. If the inciting situation has anything to do with you, she feels she has a responsibility to freak out extra to compensate for your maddening calm.
So when you tell her to relax, you’re implying that your response–i.e., nothing–is correct. You’re denying that there’s a reason to be upset. You’re telling her she’s crazy. Women may sometimes feel crazy and joke about it, but anything smacking of accusations of being crazy will be far from soothing.
Say…”I’m just as upset about this as you are. Let’s deal with it together.” This way she knows you’re totally sympathetic. This should help her to…oh, God…relax.
Forbidden Phrase #2: “I love you.” (During a fight)
In movies, “I love you” is usually employed by men during I-love-you–appropriate situations–lovemaking, walks on the beach, airport reunions. In real life, a woman hears “I love you” most often at that point in a fight when she desperately wants to get to the heart of the issue, and when you desperately want to stop this nonsense and watch Alias–which you don’t normally even watch.
When you come home shirtless from a bachelor party or forget our birthdays and stand there in the face of our rage and crushing disappointment, do you really believe that merely stating the powerful existence of your love is going to make everything okay? Because it’s not.
Say . . .
1. “[Insert detailed explanation of what you did and why you did it.]”
2. “It won’t happen again.”
3. “I love you.” (It’s okay at the end of the apology, just not at the beginning.)
And when you go to a bachelor party, take along an extra shirt.
Forbidden Phrase #3: “It’s up to you.” (A.K.A. “Whatever you want to do is fine with me.”)
Relationships are full of decisions. You decide where to eat, where to go on vacation, where to send your child to preschool. Most men wouldn’t dream of looking at their wife or girlfriend and saying, “You know what? I just don’t care.” They would, however, say, “It’s up to you.” And find themselves in a world of hurt they never saw coming.
Men think of decision-making as work without pay. For women, it’s like window-shopping for life’s possibilities, and we want you to help us shop. So when you say, “It’s up to you,” we feel abandoned.
Say . . . “I could definitely do A or B, but I’m not crazy about C. What are you thinking?” This shows you’re listening, suggests you care, and gets you out of deciding.
Forbidden Phrase #4: “You knew I was this way when you married me.”
Well, the truth is that we didn’t. Or we knew deep down, but we were so busy enjoying our fantasy of you that we chose to ignore what was really there. It’s not your fault. It’s just that when we were little, we spent so much time daydreaming about having the perfect life. Now that we’re actually in grown-up life, we can’t turn off our daydreaming switch.
Telling a woman, “You knew I was this way when you married me” is like saying the way your life is right now is the way it’s going to be forever and ever. And that may well be true–in many wonderful and not-so-wonderful ways. But if she were to accept that, a little part of her would die.
Say . . . “It frustrates me, too–and I’m working on it.” It’s a lie. That’s okay.
Forbidden Phrase #5: (Nothing)
At times, you may be afraid of saying the wrong thing. You may think, If I just keep my mouth shut, I’ll be okay. Well, no. Imagine you’re pitching in a baseball game in which there is no hitter, not even a catcher. You would not enjoy that. Imagine yourself, head hanging, going to retrieve the ball yourself and, once again, throwing it to no one. That’s how we feel when you don’t talk to us.
Say . . . Anything. Throw the ball back. Throw it badly. Even risk throwing a wild pitch and letting her take an extra base. But keep your head in the game.
THE MAGIC WORDS
3 instant get-out-of-jail-free cards
When a woman wants to kill you, you have one thing going for you: Deep down, a tiny part of her wants you to make her not do it. She just might put down the apple slicer if you say one of the following sentences.
“Just tell me everything.” I don’t think a man has ever actually uttered this statement, so make history. Here’s the thing: Our most violent anger is often the result of anticipating being forced to shut up. So once we’re told we can give our entire, endless account–no rushing or defending ourselves–we cool off. Side benefit: We also get a little intimidated. We think, Is this part important or interesting or relevant? We edit ourselves.
“You are just so beautiful.” The trick: You must say it as if it’s just occurring to you at the moment, as if her pulchritude were a rainbow suddenly in your path, the stunningness of which has left you incapacitated, emotionally stunted, but in a good way. Say it as if you can remember little else–certainly not whatever irksome matter you were just discussing. Works well as an alternative to “I love you”– but, the same way butter makes anything taste better, it’s all-purpose.
“Sorry. It was all my fault.” So classic. So hard to say. Because it’s never all your fault, of course–and it’s a very rare case in which she shouldn’t also say she’s sorry. Everyone likes to save face, especially men. But truly, there is nothing hotter to a woman than a man who’s willing to admit he was wrong because he just loves her so damn much. You might feel like you’re losing her respect, but unless you’re always the one to apologize (which means you have a crazy lady on your hands), trust me, you’re gaining it.
Feb 27
They make it hard to get the money you’re entitled to. Here’s how to get them to pay.
by Suz Redfearn
Health insurance companies like to keep secrets. And they like to save money. Example: You have surgery, and weeks later you get a bill for using an out-of-network anesthesiologist. Ridiculous, right? You didn’t choose who put you under, so you shouldn’t have to pay extra. But your insurer sent the bill anyway, hoping you wouldn’t notice.
Fighting back against this kind of trickery—and winning—is a lot easier than you think, says Kevin Flynn, president of Healthcare Advocates, a Philadelphia-based firm that helps patients wrangle with their health plans. We checked with Flynn and other insurance-industry insiders, lawyers, doctors, and regulators to uncover nine little-known ways to get the health coverage you deserve—for less.
Don’t pay if you don’t have a say.
When you purposely see an out-of-network doctor, your plan usually makes it clear that it’ll cost you. But when you have surgery, the hospital chooses the anesthesiologist. If you get that annoying “out-of-network” bill, Flynn says, draft a strongly worded letter stating you had no say about the anesthesiologist—in-network or otherwise—and, therefore, won’t pay any additional fees. “If you don’t have direct control, you are not liable,” Flynn says, adding that this tack is likely to work every time, but few consumers know about it.
You may be eligible for more coverage.
Depending on your state, you could be eligible for more benefits than your plan is telling you about. Take Maryland, for instance. Health plans operating there must pay for expensive infertility coverage. But one state over, in Virginia, they don’t. It’s unlikely that your plan is trumpeting info about state-mandated coverage, though. It’s up to you to get the scoop. One good place to check is Families USA (www.familiesusa.org), a consumer group that keeps tabs on state rules, suggests Kevin Lembo, Connecticut’s official health care advocate for consumers. Another option: Contact your state’s insurance commissioner.
To get tested, talk up your symptoms.
Your insurer doesn’t want to pay for a colonoscopy if it’s not necessary. But if your best friend is diagnosed with colon cancer and you want the $675 test to put your mind at ease, here’s how to get one covered: Mention to your doctor that you’ve had some blood in your stool and a lot of gas lately—or simply that your bowel habits have changed. Your plan has to pay for the test if you have gastro complaints, health experts say. (Only 21 states require insurers to cover colonoscopies for general screening.)
Stall first, answer questions later.
When Wendy Decenzo became pregnant with twins, she wasn’t worried about health insurance. Her husband, Chris, had made sure to get a health plan that covered pregnancy well before they started trying. But when Wendy began going for prenatal visits, coverage was denied. Their plan, Blue Cross of California, wouldn’t say why. Instead, the insurer asked the Decenzos to sign release forms allowing the plan to view their medical histories, which the law says are private.
Chris believes the company was looking for any info that the Decenzos may have accidentally omitted when they applied for coverage. If an omission were found, the couple might have been denied coverage. “It seemed like a fishing expedition in order to deny us,” Chris says. So they refused to sign, and three months later the plan started paying for the prenatal appointments, even going back and paying for earlier visits that hadn’t been covered. Flynn says lots of insurers try this trick, but since their review process usually lasts only 60 to 90 days, they often drop the inquiry after that. Sometimes, procrastination pays.
Letters are your best bet.
It may seem a bit inconvenient, but the old-fashioned letter is by far the best way to communicate with your health plan. “Don’t do anything over the phone. It takes forever and when you’re done there’s no record of it, so it didn’t happen,” says Rhonda Orin, a Washington, D.C.–based attorney and author of Making Them Pay: How to Get the Most From Health Insurance and Managed Care.
Letters almost always get a response, adds Lembo, the Connecticut health care advocate. Some plans will answer e-mail, but many won’t. And to whom, exactly, should you address your mail? Experts recommend following your plan’s appeal process for letters and sending copies to your state insurance commissioner. Also, keep copies of every letter you’ve sent your plan and everything they’ve sent back. That way, when your insurer says, “We never said we’d cover that,” you can say, “I have it right here in writing.”
Doctors can be good weapons.
You just got four massage sessions, under doctor’s orders, for lower-back pain—but your insurer refuses to pay for them? Ask your doctor for help. He can tell the insurer he’s going to complain to the state board that regulates health plans.
“Health plans may not fear you, but they do respect the board,” says James Moss, a retired Kentucky surgeon. He intervened on a patient’s behalf and, by pressuring the board, helped the patient win coverage. Another option: Say you’ll call your congressman and/or state Medicare office to lodge a formal complaint, Moss says.
Caveat: Don’t actually contact your state board yourself if a claim is denied. Janice Weiss, a Jupiter, Florida–based attorney who fights health plans for consumers, says some of her clients who went this route ended up hurting their cases when the state agency ruled their claims invalid; that left them little recourse with their insurance companies. Instead, while working your plan’s appeals process, just suggest you may take the matter to your state.
A little research can go a long way.
If you want a special CT scan or MRI, your doc probably won’t authorize it unless it’s an absolute must. Persuade her with expert info from the American College of Radiology’s Appropriateness Criteria, says Anne Roberts, executive vice chair of the department of radiology at the University of California, San Diego. Used primarily by doctors but open to the public, it’s an up-to-date list of the types of imaging that are right for various conditions (Click here for a link to the radiology site.) Arming yourself with the info doesn’t guarantee coverage, but it’s a proactive step in the right direction.
There are ways to get drugs cheaper.
Doctors are often wowed by the latest and greatest drugs, which tend to be the most expensive. Make sure these newer, high-end meds are what you need before you leave the doctor’s office. Sometimes your insurance plan won’t pay for them at all; other times it’ll charge higher co-pays. In many cases, drugs have generic versions that are just as effective but cheaper than the newer ones. Always ask your doc (or the pharmacist) for generics. And if you really need a medicine that doesn’t have a generic version, order it by mail. Many plans have a less-expensive mail-order pharmacy option. Another prescription trick for people who have chronic conditions like allergies: Ask your doc to write you a prescription for two or three months’ worth of medication instead of one. Goodbye, extra co-pays.
An advocate can help you win.
Imagine being turned down for coverage after running up $125,000 in medical bills. That’s what happened to the parents of a daughter with anorexia just before they sought help from Kevin Flynn, of Healthcare Advocates. For $400, he took over the fight with their insurer and—after a year’s worth of combat—won.
Flynn is a patient advocate, part of a growing industry that makes its money from helping you. Some advo-cates help you interact with your doctor, while others specialize in insurance disputes. Most of all, firms like Flynn’s keep the letters going out on your behalf, saving you time, energy, and headaches. “The insurers know that advocates know the laws, the regulations—things a regular consumer might not know. That makes them nervous,” Flynn says.
Advocates can even get policies changed. One of Flynn’s clients, who had rectal cancer, was having trouble getting his insurance plan to pay for a new radiation therapy. The insurer claimed the treatment wasn’t ready for prime time, but Flynn found six studies showing its usefulness for the disease, got the coverage—and got the insurer to rewrite its policy.
To find an advocate, contact the Patient Advocate Foundation, says Laura Weil, interim director of Sarah Lawrence College’s Health Advocacy Program. Another helpful resource is the Society for Healthcare Consumer Advocacy. Also try checking with the medical association for a particular condition, like the Multiple Myeloma Association or the National Association of Anorexia Nervosa and Associated Disorders; many of these groups keep lists of advocates. See the links below for help:
Feb 27
1. Generators (Good ones cost dearly. Gas storage, risky. Noisy…target of thieves; maintenance etc.)
2. Water Filters/Purifiers
3. Portable Toilets
4. Seasoned Firewood. Wood takes about 6 - 12 months to become dried, for home uses.
5. Lamp Oil, Wicks, Lamps (First Choice: Buy CLEAR oil. If scarce, stockpile ANY!)
6. Coleman Fuel. Impossible to stockpile too much.
7. Guns, Ammunition, Pepper Spray, Knives, Clubs, Bats & Slingshots.
8. Hand-can openers, & hand egg beaters, whisks.
9. Honey/Syrups/white, brown sugar
10. Rice - Beans - Wheat
11. Vegetable Oil (for cooking) Without it food burns/must be boiled etc.,)
12. Charcoal, Lighter Fluid (Will become scarce suddenly)
13. Water Containers (Urgent Item to obtain.) Any size. Small: HARD CLEAR PLASTIC ONLY - note - food grade if for drinking.
16. Propane Cylinders (Urgent: Definite shortages will occur.)
17. Survival Guide Book.
18. Mantles: Aladdin, Coleman, etc. (Without this item, longer-term lighting is difficult.)
19. Baby Supplies: Diapers/formula. ointments/aspirin, etc.
20. Washboards, Mop Bucket w/wringer (for Laundry)
21. Cookstoves (Propane, Coleman & Kerosene)
22. Vitamins
23. Propane Cylinder Handle-Holder (Urgent: Small canister use is dangerous without this item)
24. Feminine Hygiene/Haircare/Skin products.
25. Thermal underwear (Tops & Bottoms)
26. Bow saws, axes and hatchets, Wedges (also, honing oil)
27. Aluminum Foil Reg. & Heavy Duty (Great Cooking and Barter Item)
28. Gasoline Containers (Plastic & Metal)
29. Garbage Bags (Impossible To Have Too Many).
30. Toilet Paper, Kleenex, Paper Towels
31. Milk - Powdered & Condensed (Shake Liquid every 3 to 4 months)
32. Garden Seeds (Non-Hybrid) (A MUST)
33. Clothes pins/line/hangers (A MUST)
34. Coleman’s Pump Repair Kit
35. Tuna Fish (in oil)
36. Fire Extinguishers (or..large box of Baking Soda in every room)
37. First aid kits
38. Batteries (all sizes…buy furthest-out for Expiration Dates)
39. Garlic, spices & vinegar, baking supplies
40. Big Dogs (and plenty of dog food)
41. Flour, yeast & salt
42. Matches. {”Strike Anywhere” preferred.) Boxed, wooden matches will go first
43. Writing paper/pads/pencils, solar calculators
44. Insulated ice chests (good for keeping items from freezing in Wintertime.)
45. Workboots, belts, Levis & durable shirts
46. Flashlights/LIGHTSTICKS & torches, “No. 76 Dietz” Lanterns
47. Journals, Diaries & Scrapbooks (jot down ideas, feelings, experience; Historic Times)
48. Garbage cans Plastic (great for storage, water, transporting - if with wheels)
49. Men’s Hygiene: Shampoo, Toothbrush/paste, Mouthwash/floss, nail clippers, etc
50. Cast iron cookware (sturdy, efficient)
51. Fishing supplies/tools
52. Mosquito coils/repellent, sprays/creams
53. Duct Tape
54. Tarps/stakes/twine/nails/rope/spikes
55. Candles
56. Laundry Detergent (liquid)
57. Backpacks, Duffel Bags
58. Garden tools & supplies
59. Scissors, fabrics & sewing supplies
60. Canned Fruits, Veggies, Soups, stews, etc.
61. Bleach (plain, NOT scented: 4 to 6% sodium hypochlorite)
62. Canning supplies, (Jars/lids/wax)
63. Knives & Sharpening tools: files, stones, steel
64. Bicycles…Tires/tubes/pumps/chains, etc
65. Sleeping Bags & blankets/pillows/mats
66. Carbon Monoxide Alarm (battery powered)
67. Board Games, Cards, Dice
68. d-con Rat poison, MOUSE PRUFE II, Roach Killer
69. Mousetraps, Ant traps & cockroach magnets
70. Paper plates/cups/utensils (stock up, folks)
71. Baby wipes, oils, waterless & Antibacterial soap (saves a lot of water)
72. Rain gear, rubberized boots, etc.
73. Shaving supplies (razors & creams, talc, after shave)
74. Hand pumps & siphons (for water and for fuels)
75. Soysauce, vinegar, bullions/gravy/soupbase
76. Reading glasses
77. Chocolate/Cocoa/Tang/Punch (water enhancers)
78. “Survival-in-a-Can”
79. Woolen clothing, scarves/ear-muffs/mittens
80. Boy Scout Handbook, / also Leaders Catalog
81. Roll-on Window Insulation Kit (MANCO)
82. Graham crackers, saltines, pretzels, Trail mix/Jerky
83. Popcorn, Peanut Butter, Nuts
84. Socks, Underwear, T-shirts, etc. (extras)
85. Lumber (all types)
86. Wagons & carts (for transport to and from)
87. Cots & Inflatable mattress’s
88. Gloves: Work/warming/gardening, etc.
89. Lantern Hangers
90. Screen Patches, glue, nails, screws,, nuts & bolts
91. Teas
92. Coffee
93. Cigarettes
94. Wine/Liquors (for bribes, medicinal, etc,)
95. Paraffin wax
96. Glue, nails, nuts, bolts, screws, etc.
97. Chewing gum/candies
98. Atomizers (for cooling/bathing)
99. Hats & cotton neckerchiefs
100. Livestock
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